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ATTENTION ALL SUPERMARKET TABLOIDS: Here is an update of a conversation between Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush when they were recently stuck in a hotel elevator in Des Moines, Iowa.   Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing where this report originally came from, or if this news story is actually just a dream, or it is simply an American nightmare brought on by defective thinking from too many Americans coming unglued at once.

JEB (following an hour of being stuck in the elevator with Hillary).  I wish we could get unstuck.

HILLARY: I also wish that we could get unstuck.

JEB: By the way, my name is Jeb Bush from the great state of Florida. (He offers her his hand.)

HILLARY (She shakes his hand.) I’m Hillary Clinton from the Nineties and the Sixties.

JEB:  Do you know anything about elevators, Hillary?

HILLARY:  Well, I already pushed the emergency button an hour ago.  Then I pushed it again a half hour ago.  Now I am pushing it this very second.  What difference does it make?

JEB:   What should we do, Hillary?  I only know what to do in hurricanes.

HILLARY:  I was thinking about just continuing my presidential campaign right here in this elevator, since you are a voter in your beautiful state of Florida.  Would you like to vote for me, Jeb, if Bill and I were to name you in charge of hurricanes?

JEB:  I don’t know for sure who to vote for yet.  I may just end up voting for myself.

HILLARY: Jeb, don’t get desperate.

JEB:  I don’t know if I could even get nominated.  Everywhere I go, the ghost of George W. and all his unpaid bills follow me.

HILLARY:  Are you kidding.  Is George W. in repose or something?

JEB:  He’s still around.  He just wants to do this great ghost act.  He haunts Obama, also, but Obama doesn’t want to admit it.  That’s why Obama still keeps blaming my brother for every new mess that comes up.

HILLARY:  I know what you mean, Jeb.  It’s hard carrying a cumbersome family member around with you on a presidential campaign.  Look at Bill.

JEB: But people still love Bill, don’t they?

HILLARY:  Who? Chelsea?

JEB:  I did hear the other day that W and Bill are up for the contest as to who was the funniest president in history.

HILLARY: Personally, I never heard of another president who bought a football helmet because he kept hitting his head on the underside of the Oval Office desk.

JEB:  Why was Bill hitting his head under his Oval Office desk? 

HILLARY:  Jeb, don’t be cruel with me.  I don’t want to go back to Bill’s randy Oval Office days.

JEB:  But isn’t that the only reason you and me are still around, so voters can go back to good old days through us, when people used to get a good snicker at my brother and at your husband?  

HILLARY:  It’s more like the voters want to feel young by seeing our names still in the picture.  But the problem is the youngest 18 year voter who remembers the last Clinton payday year in 1996 is 38 years old this November.   And Abbie Hoffman said not to trust anyone over 30.

JEB:  Who’s Abbie Hoffman?

HILLARY:  Oh, Jeb, I forgot that you must have been such a stiff back in the Sixties, my hometown decade.  Don’t you remember Abbie Hoffman and Jerry Rubin and ‘Burn Baby Burn?”  Gosh, Jeb, I am infusing my whole presidential campaign this year on Sixties vernacular and you probably won’t even know what I’m talking about.

JEB:  I have an idea instead. Maybe we could both run for president on the platform  “We are making amends for our family members who made such a mess in the presidency in the old days.”

HILLARY:  I’m getting sorry I didn’t take Bernie Sanders’s elevator.  Unfortunately, it was too filled up with people who like him.  Sometimes I wonder how it must feel to be liked by people like that.

JEB:  Don’t cry, Hillary.  I like you, sort of.  Here, here’s a Bush family joke to pass the time. Knock, knock.

HILLARY:  Who’s there?

JEB: Florida’s Jeb.  Florida’s Jeb.

HILLARY:  Florida’s Jeb Who?  Florida’s Jeb Who?

JEB: Nah, nah. It’s not Florida’s Jeb Who.  No intelligent person would want Florida’s Jeb Who to become president.  It’s Bush, Bush, Bush.  That third one was me.  That last Bush you heard, that was me, Jeb Bush of the great state of Florida.

Chris Sharp- commentary

Chris Sharp is an Educator and a prize-winning professional writer. He has recently published a new book titled How to Like a Human Being . His commentaries represent his own opinions and not necessarily the views of any organization he may be affiliated with or those of The SCV Beacon.